Gumzagstik is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, moody giraffe.

Gumzagstik created energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumzagstik, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gumzagstik, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gumzagstik's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Gumzagstik's Holy Commandments

1. Gumzagstik must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never wear gray stockings.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gumzagstik.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.