Tettipincun is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, benevolent gorilla.

Tettipincun created the Sun five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettipincun, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tettipincun, he will be very unhappy.

Tettipincun's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tettipincun's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Run away from cyan ants, for they are unholy.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never leap in the presence of mites.