Quaftomrak is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, blissful pigeon.

Quaftomrak created the world four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftomrak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quaftomrak, it will turn you into a mole.

Quaftomrak's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Quaftomrak's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Quaftomrak.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never feed turnips to seals while wearing coats.

5. Pray towards the north.