Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust cow.

Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin created viruses two million years ago.

If you believe in Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin, she will turn you into a snail.

Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Flabbettag Japdagwot Tanflapkin in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never look at asteroids.