Rapvadkam is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, deceitful swallow.

Rapvadkam created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rapvadkam, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Rapvadkam, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Rapvadkam's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Rapvadkam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats in need.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always look after injured porpoises.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.