Ortyoklan is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, fast snake.

Ortyoklan created the planet Venus two million years ago.

If you believe in Ortyoklan, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Ortyoklan, it will turn you into a rat.

Ortyoklan's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Ortyoklan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chlorophyll.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near monkeys while wearing violet coats and balancing seven platinum spheres on your chest.

3. Run away if eight voles approach from the west.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Ortyoklan loves goats, so they must be honoured.