Tonknibzim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, benevolent shrew.

Tonknibzim created a bottom quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonknibzim, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tonknibzim, she will not care at all.

Tonknibzim's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tonknibzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about aardvarks.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Tonknibzim on top of all buildings.

5. You must pray to Tonknibzim five times a day.