Larpxucksas Figzakcar is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, slow cow.

Larpxucksas Figzakcar created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larpxucksas Figzakcar, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Larpxucksas Figzakcar, he will turn you into a sheep.

Larpxucksas Figzakcar's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Larpxucksas Figzakcar's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

2. Do not wear indigo clothing.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never feed apples to otters while wearing blue shirts.