Joprilhan Funmondad is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, uncaring dove.

Joprilhan Funmondad created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Joprilhan Funmondad, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Joprilhan Funmondad, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Joprilhan Funmondad's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Joprilhan Funmondad's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Joprilhan Funmondad.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never feed carrots to shrews while wearing green ear rings.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Joprilhan Funmondad must be the most important thing in your life.