Hasfutcut is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, able cat.

Hasfutcut created an electron three million years ago.

If you believe in Hasfutcut, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hasfutcut, she will ignore you.

Hasfutcut's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hasfutcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of rats.

2. Always look after injured monkeys.

3. Run away if seven great tits approach from the north.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never mention shrews.