Abortril is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, selfish turtle.

Abortril created silver seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Abortril, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Abortril, it will turn you into a rat.

Abortril's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Abortril's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

2. Run away if six dogs approach from the south.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Retreat if three voles approach from the north.