Yartjoplipdin is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unfair hippopotamus.

Yartjoplipdin created the Cigar Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yartjoplipdin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yartjoplipdin, he will destroy your home planet.

Yartjoplipdin's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Yartjoplipdin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

2. Never feed lots of onions to doves while wearing red kilts.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.