Yarlsatfar is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, narcissistic tortoise.

Yarlsatfar created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlsatfar, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yarlsatfar, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Yarlsatfar's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yarlsatfar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Yarlsatfar on top of all buildings.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Yarlsatfar.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.