Quatnilnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a small, thoughtless hydra.

Quatnilnurl created the planet Earth nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatnilnurl, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quatnilnurl, he will destroy your home planet.

Quatnilnurl's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Quatnilnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Put Quatnilnurl first in all things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Quatnilnurl loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

5. Quatnilnurl loves great tits, so they must be respected.