Bamgutjab is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, contented spider.

Bamgutjab created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamgutjab, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bamgutjab, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bamgutjab's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bamgutjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about enzymes.

2. You must never eat carrots.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near goats while wearing fawn corsets and balancing three gold spheres on your back.

4. Do not speak about peas.

5. Never wear boots.