Flapbepnig is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, annoying raccoon.

Flapbepnig created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Flapbepnig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flapbepnig, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Flapbepnig's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Flapbepnig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured foxes.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not dye your hair mauve.

4. Never hurt frogs.

5. Feed all hungry capybaras.