Botnuttnab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, loving lobster.

Botnuttnab created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Botnuttnab, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Botnuttnab, she will turn you into a goat.

Botnuttnab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Botnuttnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention voles.

2. Never eat cucumbers.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Botnuttnab.