Dubxemquam is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, wise narwhal.

Dubxemquam created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dubxemquam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dubxemquam, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Dubxemquam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Dubxemquam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not take Dubxemquam's name in vain.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dubxemquam.

5. Never paint your hands gray.