Linvoljin is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, caring shrew.

Linvoljin created the planet Saturn four million years ago.

If you believe in Linvoljin, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Linvoljin, he will turn you into a slug.

Linvoljin's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Linvoljin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Linvoljin.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never eat green fruit.