Babtimquat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, calm jackal.

Babtimquat created water six billion years ago.

If you believe in Babtimquat, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Babtimquat, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Babtimquat's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Babtimquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Babtimquat.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near dolphins while wearing brown trousers and balancing seven iron spheres on your arms.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.