Zimcunbam is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, witless jellyfish.

Zimcunbam created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimcunbam, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zimcunbam, it will turn you into a hamster.

Zimcunbam's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Zimcunbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Never think about special relativity near otters while wearing purple rings and balancing eight tin spheres on your head.