Teencepmif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless dolphin.

Teencepmif created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Teencepmif, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Teencepmif, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Teencepmif's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Teencepmif's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Teencepmif in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Teencepmif loves rats, so they must be respected.

5. Never write about special relativity.