Vidtarptonk is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, competent dog.

Vidtarptonk created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vidtarptonk, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Vidtarptonk, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vidtarptonk's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Vidtarptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Fast once a month.