Figmabfud is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, two-faced gerbil.

Figmabfud created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figmabfud, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Figmabfud, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Figmabfud's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Figmabfud's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.