Futcumtof is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, deceitful weasel.

Futcumtof created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Futcumtof, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Futcumtof, he will turn you into a plant.

Futcumtof's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Futcumtof's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed lots of peas to mites while wearing white jumpers.

3. Never think about quantum gravity.

4. Do not wear fawn clothing.

5. Futcumtof loves gulls, so they must be honoured.