Dosslenbin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental penguin.

Dosslenbin created a top quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dosslenbin, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dosslenbin, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dosslenbin's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Dosslenbin's Holy Commandments

1. Dosslenbin loves whales, so they must be respected.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Fast once a month.