Quimflagwip is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, generous gorilla.

Quimflagwip created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimflagwip, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quimflagwip, it will turn you into a worm.

Quimflagwip's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Quimflagwip's Holy Commandments

1. Quimflagwip loves seals, so they must be honoured.

2. Always help sheep.

3. Do not keep six voles in a large pit.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.