Satsugzan is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, proud centipede.

Satsugzan created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Satsugzan, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Satsugzan, she will turn you into a hamster.

Satsugzan's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Satsugzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never wear rings.

4. Never feed lentils to foxes while wearing cyan ear rings.

5. Never play with disobedient children.