Carnulfitgigxem is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous whale.

Carnulfitgigxem created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Carnulfitgigxem, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Carnulfitgigxem, it will turn you into a puffin.

Carnulfitgigxem's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Carnulfitgigxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peanuts.

2. Carnulfitgigxem must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

5. Never play with disobedient children.