Bopcitgan is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, capable beaver.

Bopcitgan created the universe six million years ago.

If you believe in Bopcitgan, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bopcitgan, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Bopcitgan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bopcitgan's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near otters.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

3. Never talk about frogs.

4. Bopcitgan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never look in ponds.