Somcemmad is a god.

He takes the form of a large, confident mink.

Somcemmad created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Somcemmad, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Somcemmad, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Somcemmad's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Somcemmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill aardvarks.

2. Do not dye your hair magenta.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Somcemmad in the centre of the settlement.

4. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

5. Pray towards the east.