Fumquimcem is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, awe-inspiring hare.

Fumquimcem created Asia nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumquimcem, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fumquimcem, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fumquimcem's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Fumquimcem's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Fumquimcem loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

3. Never look at planets.

4. You must never eat limes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.