Liptapzigvil is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, cheerful crab.

Liptapzigvil created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Liptapzigvil, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Liptapzigvil, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Liptapzigvil's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Liptapzigvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near otters while wearing brown skirts and balancing six titanium spheres on your head.