Pagbassdam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, happy raven.

Pagbassdam created the planet Venus seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pagbassdam, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pagbassdam, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Pagbassdam's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Pagbassdam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Run away from gray grasshopers, for they are unholy.

4. Always treat mites with great respect.

5. Do not speak about limes.