Dumhubdud Quagranquam is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, overgenerous gerbil.

Dumhubdud Quagranquam created the planet Mars seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dumhubdud Quagranquam, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dumhubdud Quagranquam, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Dumhubdud Quagranquam's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Dumhubdud Quagranquam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown goats, for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dumhubdud Quagranquam.

3. Never hurt dogs.

4. Always help sick tapirs.

5. Always pray immersed in water.