Batnarlbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, stupid dugong.

Batnarlbaf created an up quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Batnarlbaf, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Batnarlbaf, she will think nothing of it.

Batnarlbaf's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Batnarlbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Always wear indigo.

5. Never think about spacetime.