Jamfobgan Ontgepleg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish chicken.

Jamfobgan Ontgepleg created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamfobgan Ontgepleg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jamfobgan Ontgepleg, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jamfobgan Ontgepleg's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Jamfobgan Ontgepleg's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into black rooms.

2. Always help snails in need.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Worship no other gods but Jamfobgan Ontgepleg.