Bumvandub is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, self-confident wren.

Bumvandub created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bumvandub, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bumvandub, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bumvandub's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bumvandub's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Bumvandub in the centre of the settlement.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Geese are not to be trusted.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.