Fetjanbig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unfair weasel.

Fetjanbig created tapeworms nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetjanbig, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fetjanbig, she will try to impress you with trees.

Fetjanbig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fetjanbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about galaxies.

2. Never think about enzymes.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.