Gepstraglopcib is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, happy hedgehog.

Gepstraglopcib created the Milkyway two years ago.

If you believe in Gepstraglopcib, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gepstraglopcib, she will turn you into a rock.

Gepstraglopcib's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Gepstraglopcib's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of sheep.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about optics near swans while wearing orange tights.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gepstraglopcib.