Kinpangsak is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, irritating pig.

Kinpangsak created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinpangsak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kinpangsak, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kinpangsak's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Kinpangsak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never write about quantum gravity.

3. Never think about special relativity near dolphins while wearing magenta corsets and balancing nine titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never feed peanuts to bats while wearing brown dresses.