Gesslad is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, awesome hippopotamus.

Gesslad created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Gesslad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gesslad, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gesslad's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Gesslad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed parsnips to whales while wearing brown coats.