Jatgepcap is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, weak porpoise.

Jatgepcap created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatgepcap, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jatgepcap, she will turn you into a puffin.

Jatgepcap's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Jatgepcap's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.