Ladbonkwab is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, vain parrot.

Ladbonkwab created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladbonkwab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ladbonkwab, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Ladbonkwab's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Ladbonkwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ladbonkwab.

3. Never chant near nematodes.

4. Ladbonkwab loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near tortoises while wearing purple coats and balancing five silicon spheres on your back.