Flatvonkton is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, dishonourable jaguar.

Flatvonkton created the Whirlpool Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flatvonkton, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flatvonkton, she will turn you into a sheep.

Flatvonkton's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Flatvonkton's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Flatvonkton must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Put Flatvonkton first in all things.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.