Jipflowitfen is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, flying tortoise.

Jipflowitfen created a photon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jipflowitfen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jipflowitfen, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jipflowitfen's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Jipflowitfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

4. Never write about enzymes.

5. Never eat bark.