Laksomtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unfair lobster.

Laksomtonk created the world eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laksomtonk, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Laksomtonk, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Laksomtonk's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Laksomtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never think about dark energy.

5. Never sprint near dogs.