Bugquarttig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, unfair walrus.

Bugquarttig created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bugquarttig, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bugquarttig, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Bugquarttig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bugquarttig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Bugquarttig in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never laugh near great tits.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bugquarttig.