Flowdanren is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid troll.

Flowdanren created Mount Everest four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowdanren, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Flowdanren, it will turn you into a puffin.

Flowdanren's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Flowdanren's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bacteria.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not keep four snails in a large pit.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about foxes.