Ortjarnhim is a god.

It takes the form of a large, competent duck.

Ortjarnhim created the Tadpole Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortjarnhim, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ortjarnhim, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Ortjarnhim's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Ortjarnhim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near otters while wearing yellow ear rings and balancing five nickel spheres on your neck.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always look after injured foxes.

4. Do not kill nematodes.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.